Thursday, April 12, 2012

dating: love in the city part 2

Day Two: Matches by

Day Dreaming
I read through my email and up pops, “Your first matches are ready to view”.  It’s 5:09 pm and I’m getting that “long day almost over – can’t concentrate anymore sort of itch” so I go to my inbox.  My stomach is fluttering a little bit.  What if there is someone amazing out there? 
Last night I let myself drift to sleep imagining the perfect guy, or even the perfect boyfriend.  Those questions you answer as you build your profile are thought provoking.  It will make you ask yourself for the honest to god truth – what does your ideal guy look like.  
It was easy to imagine “the one who got away” but I allowed myself to get those rusty dream wheels turning!  I’m not sure I’ve let myself be quite so idealistic in such a long time, but it felt like a weight lifted.  Hope!
{This is what came to mind...I said DAY DREAMING...LOL}

I decided that this experiment would be just what I needed. “He really is out there…. “ I told myself.
Cut to right now as I scroll – for LESS THAN TEN SECONDS – down the body of this first email.  My heart sank, I set my expectations too high. My heart dove further into my gut.

In the body of the email is a photo of my “match”, their “title” and then a brief, self-assessment of their personality and their ideal “mate." tells me that we’re compatible. We are 100% a Match they say.  

My face burns. This is embarrassing… I might as well be looking at a Mr. Potato Head doused in bleach with a hack job of a shave. And his location?  Torrance.  Insult to injury. Is this for real?
I look through to a “browse” tab on the website.  One man’s name reads: (firstnamelastname) "isadrunk,"  another reads “ValuableJohn."  You’ve got to be kidding me.  

I click back to my “matches." There are about 18 men on this email and I’m cringing; Who am I right now? Am I this desperate?  I’m snapped back to the reality of the situation.  No, I’m not looking for Mr. Right, just Mr. Right-for-me-to-move-on and write a credible account of the experience.

I’ll keep going with this, but need to take a break.  I literally am having a visceral reaction.
My ambitions and high expectations (*cough* um, STANDARDS) are glaring at me scornfully from deep inside.  

Forward email to bff. 

Subject:           Fwd: Your first matches are ready to view
Body:               AAHHHHHHHHHHHH
I. AM. NOT. DESPERATE.  I tell myself, no beg myself, to believe!

Somebody get a bag to put over my head.  A plastic one… what am I doing?

I finish looking through the last final “Match." On the website they let you click “Yes” “Maybe” and “No," after a series of “No”s I put one in the “Maybe” section.  He’s attractive, a Cal graduate, like kids and dogs. I don’t even care that he’s playing that card.  It’s a small relief and one I need to cling to if I’m going to forge ahead.  

Until next time!

xo, Sarah

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